Clean Blonde Jokes

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A Blonde and a Lawyer on a Plane

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?

The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa.”

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”

This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”

The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

“Okay,” says the lawyer, “your turn”.

She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?”

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

A Blonde Plays Trivial Pursuit

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”

She thought for a time and then asked, “Is the vacuum turned on or off?”

The Blonde and the Tiger Jigsaw Puzzle

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, “Please come over here and help me… I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”

Her boyfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde said, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”

He took her hand and said, “Second, I’d want you to relax… Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then…”

He sighed, “let’s put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”

Puzzle Finished Fast

Three blondes walked into a bar and ordered a bottle of champagne.

“Celebrating something, ladies?” asked the barman.

They sat there debating who should tell him. Eventually the first blonde spoke.

“We’ve just finished a very difficult jigsaw in well under the time it said on the box.”

“Really?” asked the barman, “How long did it take you?”

“Six months”, said the second blonde.

“Oh?” said the barman.

“Yes” said the third blonde, “The box said three to four years.”

The Button

A blonde was standing in front of a soda machine muttering, “You’re a dumb-looking button. You don’t have much of a future, either. You’re going to be replaced by a much better looking button.”

“What are you doing?” her girlfriend asked.

The blonde quickly pointed to the sign on the front of the machine that read, 'Depress Button For Ice'.

The Coke Machine

A blonde goes on a holiday vacation to Las Vegas. She puts a couple of coins in the coke machine and a can of coke pops out. She puts more coins in and another can pops out. She keeps putting coins in and cans of coke keep popping out. A man behind her asks if he can use the machine, to which she replies, “Get lost, can’t you see I’m winning!”

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